Love ones self

This video is sexual, so consider yourself warned.

In my little world, I feel like I have to be or act a certain way. I have chosen to do this in order to let myself be free, at least here I can do so. My blog is where I can totally let my guard down. So I did, Is it right? I don't know for sure. Did I enjoy it? Oh Yeah. Will I regret it? Maybe, but I don't want to suppress it anymore. Please enjoy.

I got it out of my system and now it's been deleted.

Pleasure is beautiful.

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Rockabilly Laroo

Hubby took this in the hotel room before we went out for the evening in Vegas.

Didn't want to lug around the camera

Semi-vintage look.

We saw Zumanity, it was so awesome and so sexual, then to went to a yummy dinner, and did the Vegas strip.

2 am back to the hotel where the naughty played.

(disappointed we didn't have complaints of noise this time)

;0

National Beer Pong Championships?

We were at the pool in Vegas at the Monte Carlo. We met this great couple at the pool, who were also from southern California. They said they were staying at The Palms but were at this pool for the day because their friend was in the National Beer Pong Championships. The event was being held in our hotel in a ballroom on the 2nd floor. They said they didn't go because it was $50.00 bucks if you wanted to watch. They had experienced this before and decided to just kick back by the pool. This made us laugh because, because basically this is usually a college type drinking game. Normally just bouncing a ping pong ball into a plastic beer cup, and you drink or make others drink by doing so. We didn't think much about it after we threw out a few jokes about it and continued on with soaking up the sun, and just regular conversation with them. After a while the 107 degree heat sucked the life out of us, the girl said, "Hey, do you guys want to go check out the Championship?" We can peek our head in the door, she said. We figured, why not, let's go.

We get off the elevator on the 2nd floor and Micheal Jackson is standing there, glove and ping ping paddle, with his buddies who also were Micheal Jackson. With shit eating grins on our faces continued down the hall to the ballroom. We opened the door to peek in and no one was at the reception table, so the girl we were with goes, come on, just go act like you belong here. We all scoot in, into a room of 50 ping pong tables, teams dressed like tacos, hookers, roller derby, etc. We get about midway through the place, when all of a sudden I began going backwards. I though it was the girl pulling me back, and the realized it was one of the official ping ping police. Once I realized who it was I said loudly, STOP PULLING me! She looked at me and I think realized that was wrong. She asked us to leave and we turned around reluctantly and march ourselves out of this incredibly fun place. Noticing on the way out the ping pong tables were all official looking, each adorning a 3ft tall net and only one beer cup on the opposite side. Totally worth the 3 minutes of fun we had. At least it made us laugh.

Possibly more Vegas fun to be shared later.

Vegas!!!

Weekend trip to Vegas. Yeaaaahh!! WoooooooWhooooooo!

We just need to get away.

De Plane! De Plane!

For years I've been wanting a tattoo. Having to decide what to get has basically been what is stopping me. I can't make up my mind. (God, I'm such a girl!) I know I like old school tats and lean towards the genre' of a pin up girl or sugar skulls. (something on the order of the pic above) I really don't care to design one on my own. I don't feel that I would be able to draw with that "old school" style like I want. Of course, I don't want what everyone else has, and that's making it difficult. For many years I've been just plain chicken in fear of the pain. I've pretty much overcome this thought, realizing I've endured much more pain dealing with tests, operations, etc. Basically, just told myself "suck it up princess". The other issue is where? Where is very important, we don't want to see a saggy tattoo later in years. Also, don't want to do it on a bony place. Possibly a small collage' on my shoulder, or on my neck? I'm not sure.

El Sol

Summer Bummer

This has been a different summer for me than most. The heat of the summer has come late. We have been crazy busy between, having company, the gallery, birthdays, work, and just a different realm of things going on. Because of the summer starting out so mild, we haven't been out in the lucious summer sun frolicing. Now that it's here, we are busy and not in the swing of enjoying it. Sitting on the porch, going to the beach, barbequeing with friends, water balloon fights, going on a trip, has all just not really happened so much this summer. I'm a bit bummed and can't seem to get into it like I would normally. I yearn for it though. Hopefully we can capture some of it before it passes and get with the program.

Vanilla with Sprinkles

It's weird, I worry about my body image, but at the same time it bothers me to think I'm too vanilla. I don't want to be what people expect. I want to live pushing the envelope a bit. I want to be empowered and be a sexual being. I hope I can create some kind of new attitude towards different body types, be it standing or sitting. (starting with myself)

I work hard to be in the best shape I can. I eat well, exercise, take way to much time doing my hair and make up, laugh and love a lot. At the end of the day I will never have the body that I have in my mind. I play up my attributes and play down some major flaws. Unfortunately, in my mind I think I look better than I do . When I look in the mirror or pictures, I can't believe what has happened to my body. How it has failed me or how I fail it. Then on the complete flip side, I like to show my body. Somehow those roles don't play out well. Security and insecurity wrapped in one. How do I deal with that?

Oh No, You Didn't!

The other day some friends, myself and hubby ate at our favorite dive Mexican restaurant. After finishing a yummy dinner we proceeded to leave single file out of the packed establishment. Our little line parade consisted of friend, me, friend and hubby. Friend in front of me had to stop to let people cross in front, in which made us all stop. All was clear and we started to move, but not me.I couldn't make my chair roll, I immediately looked back at my friend behind me thinking she was messing with me. All within a couple seconds realize a man sitting at the table that I'm passing is holding onto my wheel. I look at him like....do I know you? He smirks with a bit of a wink and I just stared. Like what the hell are you doing? He lets go. I shake my head and roll away. His friend proceeds to say (not knowing my husband is 2 people behind me)"your sense of humor obviously went over that young ladys head". Hubby puts a heavy hand on the guys shoulder, puts his face in his and says, "Oh she gets it, she just sick of dealing with dumb asses like you." Then walks off.

These particular friends were beside themselves because they have not encountered this with me before. I can honestly say that this type of thing is said or done to me at least once a day. It's not usually physical, but verbal. I equate this incident to me grabbing your belt loop or the back of your shirt and stopping you in your tracks. It's weird coming from a complete stranger. I am totally ok with people I know touching me, leaning on me, etc. I have personal space like anybody, it just covers a little more space.

These people who are grabbing, leaning, rolling me, saying "let's race", "you're to pretty to be in a chair," "what's wrong with you", "my mom was in a wheelchair for a year, I know what you're going through", "I'm tired of walking, you're lucky you don't have to walk." they think they are being funny or trying to break the ice. I know most of them are harmless and for some reason they are compelled to have to say something to the handicapped girl, because it will make themselves feel better. Not realizing that I have heard it 50 million times and I am just going about my everyday life just like the rest of us. Sometimes it's easy to smile and just keep going and let it roll off. (no pun intended, funny though) Other times, not so much!!!

Choosing Happiness

:)

Hurt

My life was going along pretty good. Then we had an ungrateful house guest that spent the whole time texting her boyfriend. That's not a huge deal, I know. Stil, not fun and so rude. Also a crazy aunt visiting from out of state, who used to be fun loving. Now is a nut, that just drives me up a freakin wall. I miss the old her.

Then hubby starts acting strange (actually had been acting strange for a while) Finally, had enough of the lying eyes and sneaking around with the itouch and tilting it away from me every time I'd roll by. Of course he's hiding porn, this isn't new and actually seems to be his mantra. The thing is, I thought we had a pretty open marriage and we've talked about this. We've watched porn, and we have kind of made a pack that we would let the other person know if we were going online to look at this kind of stuff. Basically to just make it not seem like we don't need to hide, and we can be open with our sexuality. At certain points of our relationship, I've really felt slapped across the face by these same actions. It makes me feel unworthy, and flat out lied to. If you knew us personally, you would know the love we have for each other and the fun we have together. I don't feel like the typical married couple, we actually like each other. But this has been a sore spot for me for a long time. It's been monkey on my back for as long as I can remember. After something like this comes up, he pours out to me things that he's been holding in and shoving deep down. For instance, we've been through a few horrible deaths in the past couple years, and it haunts him. It haunts me also. How he was treated as a child, or that he wants to be a better person. It's all too much, I'm tired off it. I just want a open honest relationship. I'm not perfect by any means, but I don't lie. I want to be talked to straight forward and be listened to in the same manner. There is a glitch in our communications, a serious one.

Not so good day