A Sign of Times

A couple posts ago I talked about my comfort spots and right now I'm not in one of those. Yesterday, my husband an I decided to wash our truck out front. I took our wiener dog outdoors with us to basque in the sun while we slaved away washing big black beast. I was conscious to shut the back door when I went out, because the bird was on top of her cage and didn't want a neighborhood cat to wander in while we weren't in the house.

Anyways, we had the front door open with screen shut and we were out there about 30 minutes.

All of a sudden a neighborhood kid who we adore comes walking out from our side gate that comes from our backyard says, "you guys I just saw someone jumping over your wall from the alley and he was doing something with the bushes that didn't look right." He asked the kid what he was doing and he said" trying to find a ball my brother kicked over the fence". Neighborhood kid felt it was a BS and didn't recognize the kid from around here. So we figured that he was probably trying to steal our bikes we had on the patio. So hubby jumps on his bike for a quick look around the area, with no sighting.

Things settle for a while, hubby finishes putting away buckets and towels and I cook dinner. We eat dinner and then I get ready to go to my night class. Just starting to go out the front door and go to pick up my purse from the coffee table and notice that my purse is lighter than normal. My first thought was, oh it must have dropped out in the car when I got home earlier. 2 seconds after that thought hubby and I looked at each other and said," oh my god, that kid". Hubby ran back to the alley and looked in the bushes and there was one of my little business card holders still full of the usual business cards, grocery store cards and misc. stuff.  Wallet with cowboy pinup girl on it (credit cards & drivers license).......GONE!!

We called the police they took down ours and neighbor boys info. and fingerprinted our back door. (CSI .... kinda cool.) I cancelled credit cards, reported driver's license stolen. I only had a buck or two in cash and some change. They all looked the alley up and down with nothing to be found.

It's so freaky to know someone was in your house who didn't belong. It's not just freaky, but scary. We both feel somewhat violated. I don't want to have to lock things up when I'm around my own house, or feel like I have to watch over my shoulder all the time. I'm going to have to find a happy medium, so I don't drive myself crazy.

Wow!! Your not going to believe this. My doorbell just rung and one of my neighbors on the next street over just handed me my wallet. They found it in their backyard under their orange tree which is off the same alley we are on. The credit cards and driver's license were still in it. The buck and change were the only thing missing. He risked a breaking and entering charge for $3.00 at the most. What the fuck!!

Tuck it Away or Say?

When you disagree with someones words or actions, is it better to say something or just let them be?

I've run into this and feel as if I need to say "Hey look what you're saying and how it is not making for a very pleasant moment." What is making you feel like you need to act or be this way? If and when I  do say something it is turned around to me... it's not what happened. I was right there, and I know how things occurred. (don't know for what reason, but...)

I guess I feel that situations somehow reflect onto me, even if it is the actions of others. I don't understand why certain moments have to be so uncomfortable. Yet, I know I need to let that person be who they are. 

Another "C" Word

The comfort spot. I think we all search for. A place where you feel you can go, be it in your mind or in your heart or physically. You can't buy it, though some think they can. A connection with someone you've known and just that certain comfort level that pulls your inner being to a center to say every things ok. Finding your comfort spot isn't easy and when found it can be lost if you're not careful. It starts with knowing who you are and staying true to that. 

I've found my comfort spot several times and lost it many more times. As I look back I see where I chose to let others decide what is right or wrong for me. But even the right wasn't right, it was wrong. Being the person I am today, I still struggle, but I do have a mind of my own and can let myself decide was is best for me. Comfort for me is doing things that I know how and knowing that I am capable of doing. Letting myself realize I have the reigns to lead myself to happiness. Art brings me to that comfort zone, I know it's just part of me, it always has been. Sex is another comfort zone, I have to find it more than I'd like to admit. I let it go and must recreate it now and then. But when I do, because of the comfort level with my hubby, there is nothing that feels more right and comfortable. Comfort is knowing someone loves me unconditionally. The shower is a comfort spot for me, I sing, I cry, I masturbate, my thinking area, I love water. Working in the yard and baking brings me to that spot. My husband, laughing, my mom, the bird, the dog, my blanket (which is another story),swimming, laying in the sun, creative thinking,dancing, friends, cookies, frosting, being confidant about who I am in my chair and I'm sure much more......it all is what puts me in my comfort spot.

Show and tell.

This is my baby girl. She's a Senegal parrot. Basically, she's a one person bird and I happen to be that person. She loves my husband and a handful of others, but doesn't let them hold and touch her like she does me. I have been bit, and it hurts like hell. You wouldn't think a little bird would be able to give that much pressure in a bite, but they can....believe me. I think we've had her 15 yrs now and she still makes me smile everyday. She can talk a little but only on her terms, and laughs like me. Music and snapping your fingers makes her dance, and it's the cutest thing. We take her places like Home Depot or to lunch (if we eat outside). We are always asked or told the dumbest things. 

For example:

Is that real?  Me - uh no, wacky wheelchair gal likes to roll around with fake bird on her shoulder to look like a pirate.

Awwww poor birds like that have to be caged. Me - Listen lady this bird has it better than most kids. She gets fresh fruits and veggies everyday, cleaned, and loved. She hangs out on the top of her cage all day and for fuck sakes we take her to lunch.

People themselves are strange birds and just let stuff come out of there mouth. ( I always threaten to strangle the next person who looks at me and asks me ,..... you wanta race).?

I literally have no balance, but I think I found one.

The creativity coming from my brain right now is on overload. I've tried to pin point why the flood gates have opened. I just keep coming back to the fact that I'm content and quite comfortable within myself,( which I don't find to be a common happening). Therefore, I guess this is enabling me to let the imagination go. I have four paintings in progress as of now and just keep coming up with all sorts of ideas. I'm letting myself artistically go in directions that I never thought would ever be possible. My last piece was done with such a confidence that is almost kind of scary to me. Scary in a good way, but just something that seems completely natural that I've fought so hard to find... and wow there it is. Kind of like learning to ride a bike, one day you find your balance, and you just know how the rest of your life. I've had the tools and the know how in regards to painting for a while now, and I've been going through the motions. As of late I can honestly say artistically I'm in the beginning stages of finding my "balance".

Summer can't get here fast enough.

Summer really is the time to start wearing less clothes. So lets hope it gets here fast!!

Yeah for daylight savings, that means we are getting closer!!

You Go Little Worm!

It made me laugh, and I had to share.

(It doesn't take much)

Orgasms

I was just reading Sequoia Redds blog about orgasms. She writes about what thoughts go through her mind and what a spiritual experience it is for her and it got me to thinking about my own experiences. I hope she doesn't mind me blogging about it also.

Anyways, for me I just let go, I let go of everything for that moment in time. No worries, no nothing. I'm a screamer, a moaner and a giggler. I'm multi-orgasmic and like my sex pretty rough. The rougher it gets the more turned on I get. I'm a different person in my height of passion. I'm willing to do just about anything and feel really out of control. And I love to feel that way, because my life in general is pretty much organized and in control. When I do orgasm, it lasts quite a long time. For me there is a sense of not wanting to stop and a yearning to be out of control. I think it's partially the fear of not knowing if I'll ever feel free that exact way again. I have to hold my pussy tight for a while until I can calm down. I feel fortunate that I can have orgasms almost every time we have sex, and I owe that to a wonderful partner and learning how to just let go. I'm not sure if it is a spiritual experience for me, but it is out of this world.

I sometimes fantasize of being a pin up girl, also a rockabilly girl(basically the wannabees of today). I don't think I could pull off the whole rockabilly thing the way my mind imagines it to be. I absolutely love the look of both men and women in the 1940's and 50's. The cars of that time are undoubtedly the best. I would have loved to have been a bad girl of that time. If I can ruffle feathers now, I bet I would have blown them away then. That era is for some reason a big draw to me. I romanticize this over and over in my head.