Wednesday, April 17, 2013

New Path

I'm on a personal journey that I thought I had pretty much conquered. Finding myself. Not that I thought I had life all wrapped up in a neat package, but did think I was on a forward positive path.
I might have been but the forks in the road have told a different story of my ignorance and trust and fate.

I'm different. I pretty much look the same, maybe a few pounds heavier from the stresses......but inside I'm different. Life has taken me and turned me upside down and shook all I thought I had out of me.

On that same token, I am free. Free as I ever have been. I know what I don't want, I know what I don't want to put up with. I yearn.....I see how fast things go and how things aren't always what you think they are.
My mind has opened to make changes and see things so differently. To depend on anybody but myself whole heartily, is a new one for me. Also to what level or degree to keep others at. To love hard and give doesn't always come back the way you had always hoped. I learned that with many friends and family this last 16 months.

But this is my path.

I will do the best I can and learn to love again but in a different way.

4 comments:

ChiTown Girl said...

Oh, LaRoo, reading this made my heart ache. Did I miss something? I've been neck-deep in the drama/trauma of my own life lately, and I'm sorry you've been dealing with your own "stuff." You know where I am if you need ANYTHING. Even if it's just a shoulder to cry on, or if you need to vent in an email, or call and scream at someone.

xoxox

JFBreak said...

Sometimes it is hard for me to read between the lines. Are you writing what it seems like you are writing?

I hope all is well.

La Roo said...

Chi Town- I'm so glad to see you. I know you've been through so much and this is pretty much menial in comparison. I really feel pretty stupid even venting knowing there are others like yourself dealing with so much more. You are so sweet for offering such kind gestiures and the same goes for you. I want to be there for you and don't know how. So just know I'm here if you need me and I think of you a lot. My heart aches for you.
I am ok. We are working on things. But my life just seems different. It's hard to put into words......I'm tryin.

JF Break- I am probably not putting things down in a fashion that makes sense. I don't know what you think I'm writing? LOL
I just feel different. I know that's weird. Um Hubby and I are slowly doing better. I'm understanding a little more of what happened. Basically we were both grasping for anything after losing my mom. In an a over the top kind of way. Losing her was devestating and still is. It was the straw that broke the camels back (so to speak). Hubby had held on to many self depricating thoughts and feelings all his life. Some which brought him many strengths and some caused some unfortunate consequenses.
My mom was unconditonal and adored him. That was something solid after years of not having much of anything solid but me. So in two totally different ways we took a tail spin this last year with the events I told in months past.
It's made me rethink many things and see things in a different way. The best friends I once thought would always be there weren't. and new friends have come out of no where and I feel like they are much more real.
I'm rambling. sorry
Thank you for your concern. I'm ok. Just trying to sort through things. Trying to see where my life is headed and how to embrace it.

JFBreak said...

Okay - got it. I was reading into it and thought there was a split. Thank goodness that wasn't the case.