Monday, October 29, 2012
The storm has died down
I am told we are working things out. Or we will work it out. I don't know what that means? How do you do that when you feel so hurt and don't believe this won't happen again? I've calmed down and want us to be "us" again and have tried. I've tried to act normal and go on. It doesn't feel right.
I know there has to be a start of something of some kind and how do you do that without loosing yourself?
I wake up each day with burning behind my eyes and no zest for life. I'm a generally happy person. Where did I go? Where did "we" go?
I'm so tired and mentally drained and people around me are noticing and I've had to tell them we are going through some issues that I can't talk about. It feels really lonely. We have done some random things just to get out, but really just secluded ourselves at home for the most part. It's just all too much for me to go pretend I'm ok, it really takes all I have.
I feel pretty pitiful. I suck.
So fucking scary!