Friday, October 26, 2012

I surrender.

If I don't,  I can't go on.
This is my life and I have to be happy.
I have to make myself happy.
I don't know really where to start?
My first initial reaction is to hold my head high and smile.
At least that's all I know to do right now.

6 comments:

Baby Boomer - Jim said...

You probably have a of of people who support you. Lean on them.

Baby Boomer - Jim said...

lot of

marquisdgore said...

Where's your painting while all this has been going on? It's like you stopped expressing yourself there in order to take on all these new emotions in this other lifestyle you thought you wanted. It could be as simple as choosing the wrong partners to begin with. Everybody makes mistakes like this. The fantasy is not the reality you were seeking. In my opinion, you should take out your frustration on a canvas. You were a much happier person it seems while painting.
Or maybe I'm full of shit - I don't know.

I do know that there are a lot of people that read your blog and care about what happens to you in your life.

ChiTown Girl said...

I wish I had some magic words to help you right now. All I have are lots of

{{{hugs}}}

and they're all yours!!

xoxox

La Roo said...

Baby Boomer- Most of those people are right here, and a very small handfull in the real world.
I can't just tell my regular friends and family this kind of stuff. They wouldn't understand.

Marquisdgore- Painting should be on top of the list, but it's not. No matter how hard I try, it doesn't feel good one bit or feel right to me at all. I have projects that are just sitting waiting for me to get my act back together.

ChiTown Girl-Your hugs are simply wonderful. Just knowing you're there is so nice. Thanks.
One of my bestest gay friends just moved to Chicago. To Logan's square or town?? I miss him so much.

marquisdgore said...

I was the same way when I found out about my cataracts. Had the operation, but still didn't feel like getting back to my art. I had the distance lenses put in, so any painting was blurred until I got those cheap magnification glasses at WalMart. Tentatively tried to do something and it went well, so I jumped back in with both feet and have completed 5 more panels of the mural I had stopped working on over a year ago. Each one completed was a challenge to make the next better. I'm down to my last panel, a 4' x 8' composition of the "Last Supper" of my own design instead of another copy of that other one. The ladies of the church I'm doing the mural for are ecstatic whenever i call and say I've got another one done. This just reinforces my desire to keep plugging out paintings. It's so much better now mentally for me than the way I was after the operation.
I can't say this would work for you, but you always seemed at your happiest when you were hip deep in your paintings and posting pictures of your boobs. :)
Maybe you can get back a little closer to your old self if you try. Nothing else seems to be working out for you and I'm sorry for that.