Friday, December 23, 2011

Never would there be enough words

What an honor this gift of being your daughter has been. I know I was unexpected. But not one day in my life did I ever feel unwanted or a burden. Quite the opposite.....I have always been loved unconditionally. 
Many turns of events including the death of dad, and my physicals issues, brought us so very close together in the tightest of bonds. I have always been so proud of knowing that my mother was not only my mother but my best friend.
You are such an inspiration to me as how to live my life. I’ve watched you and I’ve learned that you must go on and hold your head high and be proud of yourself. Even in my darkest times you lifted me up and showed me that tomorrow is a new day.
 I never thought in my years past that I could actually be someone......I fumbled trying to be an independent person with her own thoughts and wants and hopes. I’ve turned into a physically confidant, quirky, self thinker, that loves her life. You nurtured that in me and although it has come later in my life, your patience and tenderness and self determination has rubbed off on to me. It has made me believe in myself and be true to who I am. 
I am not the only person of course that you’ve touched. You’ve treated your children and grandchildren as the individuals we are. We of course are not the same and you have accepted and gone out of your way to embrace each of our lives to all it’s fullest, in your own way. You have loved our spouses as if they were your own children which has meant the world to them and us. 
There has been many times throughout our lives that people have also claimed you as “mom” and you always welcomed them with open arms, because you just exuded being a mom. Your kindness and sweet ways just warmed hearts. I don’t know how many times people that just met us would say, your mom is such a sweetie. I would always say thanks with a smile, I’m a lucky gal. It just made me so proud.
The friendships you’ve had over the years always ran deep through. Even as time went by and lives parted for one reason or another, the memories and wonderful times always brought a smile to your heart.  You have helped not only your family but friends. Your little body and kind compassionate heart has comforted people through the toughest times of their lives. You’ve had a way of making people feel safe and you gave them hope. What a special gift that has been to some very dear people.
Friends along with family help sculpt our lives into the people we are. I was aware of where you had come from and saw the bits of people in you that had touched your life.
I can almost bet you that what most people will remember about you is the sparkle in your eyes, your contagious happy smile and your caring soul. I will remember all of that and feel you with me and live my life as Mary Wilson’s daughter,
You have given so much of yourself that all the words in the world couldn’t explain what you’ve meant to myself and everyone else.
To end this isn’t easy............I will miss you more than the whole world. I thought you would live forever.
You might not be here, but you are everywhere and that is so very special to me.
I love you my sweet sweet sweet friend.

My moms memorial was yesterday.  This was written by me and read by the pastor of my sisters church. I'm doing suprisingly good. I think I'm still in shock. I just feel a total sense of calm, which is totally unlike me.
People are telling me that sense of peace is a gift from mom. I feel cold. I don't think it's fully hit me. I am going to miss her , oh my sweet mom.....she's really gone. Oh my, it's so not real.


JFBreak said...

What a wonderful tribute to your mom. You may have been proud to have her as your mom, but I suspect she felt just as proud to have you as her daughter.

Be well.

Mind Of Mine said...

I am very sorry to read this, the eulogy is beautiful. It brought a tear to my eye.

Even though it may be hard, I wish you very Merry Christmas.

momentextase said...

What a wonderful tribute to your mother LaRoo. Just as wonderful as the tribute your mother left to herself, and to all of us -YOU!!!

To have such a beautiful and soulful daughter, what a blessing you surely have been to her, just as you have been to all of us that have had the honor of sharing in what you give of yourself. It does not get better than that.

Been a couple of years of big changes for me, and you too I see as I catch up on your blog. Have not posted here much, no need to really, you are doing just fine without my long tombs. I do try to occasionally peek in though.

Lost my mother too, in Aug 2010, watching her slip away (it was similar to the way you described your own experience)-was so hard.

You wrote about having a feeling of peace when your mom passed -I experienced that also, and although I cannot say what will come for you -that peace stayed with me. I thought it was the shock of it all or numbness, but it was not. This is not to say there is no grief, or feeling of great loss. There is. But there is more.

To be brief, feel things as you feel them and do not think your feelings will, or should be, the way you see others coping with this, or similar loss.

We all process feelings differently and at different paces, and old souls ( I am sure you are one) often find it easier to feel the majesty of "the bigger picture" -than others. Even through the confusions and feelings of grief.

You have my deepest empathy and compassion LaRoo. Take exquisite care of yourself, live each day as it comes. In one sense when a loved one leaves their mortal dimension, it is a grand reminder to us all that we do not have the time to live, if you can call it living, each day over and over and over the exact same way as the day before-stuck and unchanged. Time is a nonrenewable resource. Use time to go as far as you can into the the wonders just living itself. Yeah, life is not perfect, but then again -if it was, it wouldn't be. xxx

ChiTown Girl said...

Sweetheart, that was just so beautiful. I'm sure your mother heard every word of it.


Bigger said...

This will be a very tough time for you. Just take it one day at a time.

Your tribute was beautiful.

La Roo said...

All of you wrote such beautiful things......I am so grateful for each and everyone of you. It warms my heart that I have such a support system in people whom I've never met. Wow, what a gift.
Thank you