Thursday, August 5, 2010

Flustered fantasies

I feel like a mess. I want to do things that I shouldn't. I'm fantasizing all the time. I mean all the time. I'm pretty much frustrated because I can't act on any of my fantasies. They are just not in my realm of reality. I actually have just suppressed myself the last couple days because my hubby was not feeling well, plus he's just not where I'm at right now. Not his fault, I know we have different times in our life when one is more sexual than another. I would like to touch base more often than we do with what our sexual thoughts are. I don't feel those acts necessarily need to be acted on, but to know where each other is at. There is a comfort level with that situation that fluctuates, so I don't know if it's ever the right time to talk about things.

14 comments:

Bob said...

Some things are better left unsaid.

Bigger said...

There are some things that need to be talked about and others not so much. I could go on and on but you know what to do deep down you do know

La Roo said...

Did you see the post below this one? Or did you just see the word fantasies and it was all over? :)

Bob- Maybe you're right, but then how do we grow?

Bigger-Is that general society's problem though? We don't show our true self? Then it becomes a bigger issue. Is it a feeling of not knowing the outcome? or hurting someone.?

Bigger said...

It is societies main problem. but if you know that something is going to hurt some one or make them upset or feel like they are not good enough why hurt there feelings. This is coming from some one who has always been told to think before you speak. I would say what ever was on my mind. now i have to stop and think before i speak. Thats why I said you would know what to say and you know when to say it. All things can be talked about at certain time.

Maybe I make sense

Bob said...

Well, one thing for certain. If your fantasy involves another woman any man in their right mind would say, "Bring it on, girl! But I get to participate, too!!) If that's what's on your mind then hells bells, sit that man down and make plans. As many may will tell you, two bushes in the hand is better than one bird in the bush (I think that's how it goes).....

annalise said...

lol on the bonsai car wrecks :P

with out fantasy there's no progression. in the world, and in life. i don't think verbalizing a fantasy is hurtful, it's not rooted in the inadequacies of ur lover, but in a want for more, for u. i bet u give alot to ur hubby, all kinds of considerations. he has fantasies too, u willing to trade? fear is the best road block invented. it comes up with the best rebuttals, the best ways to deny, the reason to turn away, from urself.

and truly our fantasies reveal so much about our selves. more than maybe we're willing to honestly reveal, the threat of judgement looms.

it seems to have jumped to the assumption here that fantasy can hurt someone. why? how? fantasy is in ur head.

again, it's not about another's inadequacies, but ur desires.

my fantasy world is rich and diverse and has no boundaries, as i'm sure urs is. and i do act on them. but, i never force them. consensual is # 1. safe, yeah, sane, lol, close enuff.

i prefer two men, if guys have issue with two swords in the room, well, then they're not in the room. another chick in room, only if there is some serious shit goin down, not interested in a sweet pajama party scene.

r u by chance pms? cuz, that's when i'm insatiable. and my mind and body most amazing. ^_^

tmi?

Bob said...

Annalise: It's only an issue with two men in the room (bed) if they happen to cross swords.

WHOA! Get the fuck over.

Woman: Mi Casa su casa.

Luv said...

Never a right time to talk about certain things that you are afraid of the consequences. But if you dont' talk about it, either nothing is going to happen (you don't do it), or shit happens (you do it). I've been there.

La Roo said...

Bigger-Not being good enough is not the issue at all. It's about my feelings being acceptable. Plus feeling comfortable enough to talk about it.

Bob-Is that how that saying goes? :) I like that way better than the way I thought it went.

annalise-I can say my husband and I enjoy each other pretty much on an equal level. We've grown in many ways because we do take each other under consideration. It's always hard to know where that line is and we have trouble bringing it up. Which wouldn't seem like it wouldn't knowing the closeness we have. I guess we can't be perfect. I know it is because of the fear of judgement or not understanding.
No, I'm not PMSing. I wish I was because then I would have some kind of excuse. :)

Luv-Exactly!

Annalise and Bob, thanks for the images of a big ol orgy of men and women carpet munching and sword fighting. :)

Southern Sage said...

I think there is never a bad time to discuss it. How can we know what our partners want, need or desire if we don't discuss it. I stay on the bride all time about just saying it, hell I'm a big boy if she'll tell me what she wants I'll do it. But if she doesnt I will never even know she wanted it.

annalise said...

southern sage- whoa, that was like spot on. dude! k, so prolly a dead thread, but, i'm in pain and loaded... la roo. it is very apparent how much u love ur man and he loves u. and he, by the pics u post, seems like a totally sweet and hot dude, and like way easy going. if i'm off, well, i'm sorry girl. anyways, there is nothing in ur mind that he doesn't already know about. u know? cuz, u have that connection. and well, u've done things, been places. so he knows stuff about u just by observation. and if he didn't like it, well, he'd be gone daddy gone. and even if it's like the weirdest thing out there. and really i can't think of anything inside the law, well, cuz even in oregon horses r legal, that he wouldn't be interested in hearing. life is fuking short. and u don't wanna tell him when ur like 80 sumthin, dude i wish i could have....

momentextase said...

La Roo wrote: "There is a comfort level with that situation that fluctuates, so I don't know if it's ever the right time to talk about things."

It's always the right time. Communication is the key to everything. On our second date (the first time we had sex,)we promised each other there was nothing we could not or would not talk about. We promised not to edit ourselves. We agreed that "I don't want to talk about it now" would never be an acceptable response, be the discussion about sex, money, relatives, or anything.

Define your own line, and my advise is to define it into a non issue. For us, doing that not only kept us out of a lot of trouble, it liberated us, and was key to keeping in touch, growing and strong.

Almost always new things and growth comes with at least a little discomfort, often with major discomfort. That goes for such things as working out-to forming the household budget-to proving the binomial theorm- to discussing sexual fantasies.

For a long time, I thought I did not have fantasies, but I was wrong. What I had was such a fear of my own fantasies that I would not admit to myself I even had them. As that changed, looking back I had some fantasies I thought were really wacked -but that I now know are really common and fairly tame. Well, maybe the ones about the plastic blowup Annette Funicello doll are not that common, but you know what I mean.

What I am saying here is that if you both agree to be totally open, and approach communcation from a viewpoint of wanting to discover everything on each others map of the world, no matter how wierd or kinky or naughty -as opposed to wanting to know only those things on the other persons map that are on your map also and that you are "comfortable with"... the world will be your oyster.

Examples: I had a recurng fanasty of having a big wild orgy with the people that surrounded us day to day, which included her mother, step father, both sisters and their boyfriends. So, as per the "rules" I brought that up- and to my amazement she said "You are such a pev! What a sick puppy!" Then in hushed giggling voice: "You know, I've had that fantasy too!!" Life experience had already instructed us that many fantasies are hotter as fantasies and can be ho-hum or worse if acted upon, also this was so incestious a fantasy we both agreed it had a potential for trouble that was greater than gain and that it thus was a fantasy thing only. But we both agreed it was a hot fantasy none the less. So we took that to bed and role played it between just us instead...often! LOL!

One time she told me about a fantasy she had about being fucked by someone and also being spanked hard by someone else all at the same time-all the way through her orgasm. At the time, I thought that was pretty different and could not grasp the attraction, but we took that one to the "real" level anyway and it worked mindblowingly well, I learned a lot. The spanking really boosted her orgasms. After that, we did that all the time, we did that alone too although having another playmate(s) was the zenith for us with that, that opens up more possible and very pleasing positions and allows the one fucking and the one spanking to concentrate more on their respective er.."duties" ..lol!

Bottom line is if you can negotiate your communication style as a couple into one that has the least number of roadblocks etc, and you can even talk about your wildest, naughtiest, most taboo ridden, kinkiest or even self rejected fantasies anytime you want, the confidence you will have in each other and the strength your relationship will gain -will make all good things possible and keep all things not so good from being a problem.

So how to get the ball rolling? Just use this topic to start a discussion between you two.

La Roo said...

Momentextase-Wow I'm so glad I went back on my posts. i don't do that often, but for some reason I did. I know that reason, probably because I'm experiencing being flustered again or maybe still.
I so much appreciate you sharing your own experiences. It is helpful on many levels. You have such a great way with words and get the point across in such a real way. I found myself really relating to what you were saying. Thanks for being there.
X Laroo

momentextase said...

Why thank you so much LaRoo. When the woman who guided me for over 10 years past my fears and through embracing all that I am died -I made a promise I would pass on what she, and the lovers she left me with and those I have met since- had taught me. She was such a teacher about life. She left me with a "one for all and all for one" sort of ethic.

I get 'flustered' too from time to time. Have you ever though about writing it all down? Just for yourself and/or your hubby? (Although I would not be opposed if you two decided to share them... curious and naughty me!)

Also, I know how sexually out of sync we can be with our lovers from time to time. They/we can be tired, ill or distracted or... But even still one can still share fantasies or even just talk about being out of sync. Just have no expectations, make doing anything particular or physical secondary to the expression or discussion itself. No pressure. That will help take the pressure of being so hot off yourself and also let your partner know in a nonexpectant way where you are at, without them feeling somehow inadequate. Also, it can be great fun to hand out rainchecks:)Think of it as a prolonged foreplay or a form of restraint -bound by time and as opposed to ropes! lol!

And you never know, sparks have been know to fly... but we can never know if we can't talk about it.