Being me in a wheelchair takes some creativity in order for me to be happy.
For instance, there are things that loom over me that pop up every now and then that as a woman I struggle with. Most would find it frivolous, but I think it is the kind of thing where if it is unattainable you yearn for it.
With our Mexico trip getting closer, my anxieties are going into overload. Yes, about stupid shit that I can't do anything about.
I feel that what I have pulled off being in a chair is pretty good in the fact of not falling into the role of stereotypical disabled person. That might sound a bit harsh, but very true. A large portion of the general public have a preconceived notion of how all of us should look and be. I've tried very hard to break that mold.
Anyways, I get down on myself when I am really not going to be the "norm".
So here we go down to a resort were everyone is nude and many are pretty sexy. I know not all, but this is where I struggle in many different ways. Most women (non handicapped ones) would find it pretty intimidating and fuss over being just right. People are going to look at you no matter if you're fat, skinny, ugly, flabby or tight. Okay, now add the not so perfect mid-grade chick in the wheelchair. I know, hold your head high, boobs up and head full force in, right? You, know I will.
In my dreams I would love to slink my body across the pool deck. I would wear sexy high heels and dance at the disco. I would walk up the flight of stairs that go to the jacuzzi and disco. I would take a stroll down the beach. I would frolic naked in the waves.
I know that I will enjoy myself and I will do as much a I can. Yes, some of those things are within my reach, but not on my terms.That is why I say it takes some creativity to be me.
I really am thankful for what I can do and the great guy I have supporting and loving me. But I am human and have thoughts and hopes and wants.