Saturday, November 1, 2008

Sexual Searching

For years now my husband and I have been searching. I don't think what we are looking for exists. We have looked online at numerous sites and joined a few and then quit. We go on our little searches and basically end up where we started off. We would like to be around like minded sexual people. We are not swingers, but  we are exhibitonistic and voyeuristic. We went to a voyeurweb party about 2 years ago, which was pretty interesting and to say the least, a bit exciting. Absolutely unplanned, we hit it off with a couple and had them come back to our house. That was so out of character for us, but we just were spontaneous and figured what the heck. We had sex in our living room with our own partners and it was kind of odd and very fun at the same time. Just being in the same room next to another couple getting glimpses of them and knowing they are doing the same. That was that and in general after all was said and done, I think the he of that couple wanted a little more and we ended the night and never saw them again. The group at that party as a whole were swingers, which is all good if that's your thing, but not what we were looking for. Most sex type clubs seem either creepy & seedy, or they want you to swing and therefore we can't seem to find our little niche. Also, we are average people and not hard core hotties that do the major party scene, so what does a couple such as us do? As of late we've given up on trying to find that certain sexual interlude, but have hopes of someday finding a safe comfortable place to live out some of our fantasies.


13messages said...

That's a nice post. It can be so hard to find your niche in life. We are on a very slow pace to finding ours as well. Good luck with yours and thanks for sharing.

Bob said...

Sex is such an individual thing . . . it's hard enough for couples to find common ground. To find what suits a couple outside their relationship is usually more difficult if not impossible. One or both come away from those experiences often disappointed or disillusioned. I've been there, done most everything both in, around and out of marriage and know well how these things go. At least the two of you are talking and exploring. This is half the battle.

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed reading this blog ,but for me it raises more questions than it answers ,I do like the slow approach to finding your niche and I wish you luck

Britni said...

Have you tried AdultFriendFinder? While many people on there are swingers, you can specify what you are looking for, and always always always talk to the couple for as long as you need beforehand to make sure that everyone is on the same page. I had luck with that site. There are also groups on there that you can join to find out about parties and such. Also, you can always attend swinger parties and/or orgies and just partake with each other, allowing the guests to watch and for you to watch the guests. People are very often extremely respectful of other people's boundaries and desires. And if they aren't, then they haven't been in the lifestyle very long.

I have also had some luck posting a Craigslist ad, but you need to make sure your responses aren't fake.

And trust me, most people are normal just like you! The majority of the people I have found and/or met have not been models and have not been perfect; they have been human. And that what is so awesome about it.

La Roo said...

You know, I guess it's the adventure of it all. If we happen to stumble across what we are looking for, then good and if not I think it's ok too. I guess as long as we do it together and are turned on by it or the thought.
Thanks for sharing with me you guys, it makes me feel like I'm not alone in this journey.

momentextase said...

Well, it's cool you know what you want and what works for you and what does not. Thats half the battle! Stick to your guns on that!

Here in Seattle we have a couple of very classy clubs... but LA seems to have none! Las Vegas has the famous Red Rooster... which is not exactly like New Horizons in Seattle, but has friendly and respectful regulars...

We do the clubs once in a blue moon, but find that having a little bohemian and organic group of friends works for us best.

What is important is you have each other... everything else is optional!!

As some have said, finding the right group thing is difficult -it takes time but if you keep your eye out.. ya never know!

Also, there are a LOT of couples that prefer soft swinging... just so you know! The trick is finding them... and signaling that is your preference and limit.

Totally on board with what britni says, and would add to seek out experienced soft swingers... so you are on the same page.

New people can be a bit problematic because they think they want one thing, but when things get hot they start wanting something else.

Also there are harder swingers (like us) that have no problem soft swinging and staying in that groove.

First, we have other people we can swing harder with, and second, soft swinging is underrated in terms of exhibitionism and vouyerism... there is so much that can be explored in just soft swinging, but sadly a lot of people just don't have the creativity and imagination to go there!

La Roo said...

Moment... a big issue for me is feeling safe. The so-called average person is vulnerable and with my situation it is expanded.
We've never been to a club.We've attempted it several times. Everytime... we 've check out a perspective place, they just don't look clean or safe. I'm probably just being a wuss.
Actually, there's an opportunity through a newsletter that we get from this nice couple that owns this adult shop. They have workshops usually that deal with things like pole dancing, masturbation, sex swings, etc. They are going to have a workshop learning what to expect at a bdsm club and the formalities and then the group is going to visit one. Thought this might be a good way of introducing ourselves to sex clubs like this.
What do you think?
(yeah, that kind of thing is a turn on to me also)
:) but have only practiced it in our own bedroom.

momentextase said...

La Roo,
I totally hear you about feeling safe. No, you are not a wuss either!

We have been places that did not feel right, also have been places we like a lot but on that particular night there were people there we did not feel safe with for some reason. Listen to your gut about that and never let anyone violate that boundary or try to tell you that you are being a wuss about anything! My hunch is that you don't need me to tell you that though!!!LOL!

Believe me, we have been 'squicked' out by a club more than once!! Too dirty, sleazy or drugged doesn't work for us. We are pretty spoiled here in!

Your idea of participating with that workshop that nice couple leads that you talked about is ideal! And no matter what kind of club you go to, going with a group is fun! Great idea! Going to a club with a group you trust will give you a safe sort of "home base" and takes the pressure off.

But if you go to a club in a group, sure to try to meet other people too. If you just explain you are not really there to play but are interested in checking out what goes on, meeting people and trying to see if the club or scene is a "fit" for you, that is a sure fire conversation starter!

Also, sometimes the staff can introduce you to friendly regulars, regulars are great people to to talk to and to get a real feel for a place.

Also, I would think in LA there are "munchs" going on -those are like "meet and greets" for BDSM and BDSM curious folks to just meet and shoot the breeze, although some munchs can have more specific agendas or are topical. They usually are in a resturant or a bar, often in a private room and also usually sans any fetish or BDSM attire...except for maybe the occasional! The adult store people you talked about might know where and when these are or how to find out!