Friday, August 15, 2008

Free to be me, now what?

Everyday I keep myself busy doing nothing. A part of me is very content, because it is what I know. Don't get me wrong, I'm not lazy by any means. I go workout, do household stuff, go and do whatever wih my husband, take my mom to lunch (who is getting up there in age),errands, tend to my sister who lost her husband a year ago (that's a feat in itself),I attend the community college painting classes, go places with friends, and so on. Okay... then the other part of me wants to get out in the world and do something productive. Over the years I've been taken care of and watched over, and some of it for good reason. But I was so in grossed in my incapability's and just trying to get by each day, I never learned how to go forward like a young person should. I didn't learn about the real me and who I was. My body was on a downward slope, and the further I sunk, the more I just existed. In probably the last 4-5 years I've slowly come out of my shell. I've been able to find things to better myself, both physically and mentally. It took my own research and willingness to try something new. I also learned not to fully depend on doctors and family all the time.
 I'm about 95% self sufficient nowadays, and just need something to feel satisfied. I know it seems simple, (here comes the but ).....but it's not as easy as you would think. I would like a part time job, own a tiny business or just anything to feel as if I accomplished something worth while. Like helping out with our household income. I've applied for jobs, but usually don't have enough experience. I haven't worked since I was in my teens. This last job interview I went on, the person couldn't get past the whole wheelchair thing. They perceive what they think you can do, therefore you're down the tubes before you start. I'm currently plugging along and pretty persistent on the whole job issue. I've been getting my resumes out almost everyday. Everyone keeps saying that something will come my way, but I'm not so confidant about that. Maybe I should just make wheelchair porn. :o


Anonymous said...

Wheel-chair porn could be a winner!

You posted on my thread about living through my freedom... I will live through your strength.

Jake said...

If I had to choose between an admin job and wheelchair porn I'd go for wheelchair porn myself :) it sounds more exciting.

You might have tried this but if you used whatever your best skills are to do some charity work, whatever you organized or played a part in (organizing, a concert, event or campaign etc) could be put as an achievement on your resume and show someone you have skills and are capable and that your nice and trustworthy etc. just a thought.

Jake said...

I know who I was trying to think of Ash Atalla the producer of the TV show the office

momentextase said...

Well, I certainly empathise with your proactivity...

Do you want to make an impact on people?

Do you want to make money?

Which... if you could only have one?

Which would be more important?

(Yes, it is entirely possible to do both, but my point is -think about what is important to you, be clear how that, money is just a way of keeping score... sometimes, and a poor one at that )

FYI, I have had my own physical challenges also (will not go into that, it's your blog!!lol!) ... but have you ever felt or reacted to you body as "enemy"??

I have... but now...

Anyway, here is something; I really recommend it for right brained people:

"The Seven Laws of Money" by Michael Phillips of "Whole Earth Catalogue" fame. A masterpiece!

It is about money... and it is not. Be warned, it is a bit existential... but it has served me well, and many others also.

Ya know, is so human to want to make a difference.

Has it occured to you that this blog you have started, could make a big impact for some - perhaps many -people??

Just be your congruent, authentic self, as you have been here!

If wheelchair porn turns it on for you, go for it. You can do that... but I also suspect you may be on the verge of something very special and inspiring that may combine things ecstatic with ....???? Only you know.

Take all the things that turn you on, your passions, your art...stir well...

You have awoken. You want more meaning now. You can, and will, have that.

momentextase said...

I think you might enjoy this site:

Jennifer started out years ago.....

A bit like you are doing now..

La Roo said...

I am not sure if this is what you do.
I mean responding to the comments.......but I am shocked at the response and the great input. Believe me I am open for the good the bad and the ugly. It's so great to see that people actually would like to help.
Thank You.....all of you.

Jake said...

It's fine to respond to comments in fact I love it when comments turn into threads, copy and paste this, it's from chica's blog and you'll see what I mean :)

Jake said...

Actually thats a bit hard to copy here it is again


Jake said...

Ha ha that still picks up the date etc copy by dragging the curser starting from the beginning of the URL left to right, that seems to work.

Sometimes things just aren't simple are they :)

momentextase said...

"I am not sure if this is what you do. I mean responding to the comments...."
LOL! la roo, seems to me you have discovered the delicious option of finally making your own 'rules'... besides it's your blog and you can do anything you want! Respond...or not! If you are not sure, just do what feels right in the moment, and what you have time and energy for!

eva said...

i typed "wheelchair porn" into google image search and was suprised as i found nothing. there's obviously a gap to fill;)