Greetings.

I had talked to a lady about a month ago who worked for American Greeting Cards. Someone had referred me to her about a merchandiser job. Stocking the cards in stores, part time. I thought this sounded like something I'd like to do to make a little money, so I got in touch with her. At the time she told me about the training process and that she was going to have an opening at the end of the month because someone was leaving. That sounded fine to me and I wasn't sure what would come of it, but I just thought I'd wait and see.

Well, this evening she called me and I was so excited, just because I haven't had a job in a long time. She was telling how she had an opening and I was the first on her list to call. I had to be up front with her because I wasn't in our first call. I told her that I was in a wheelchair and that I was very capable of doing many things. I felt that I needed to tell her instead of shocking her if we were to meet. Cause that has happened before and it is so uncomfortable. Anyways, I explained that am strong and can get up and down from my chair and can find ways to make do with situations that may arise. Given the opportunity I would prove myself in a positive way. She asked, Can you get onto the second step of a step stool? She said in order to reach the top shelf of the rack you will need to be able to use one. Also, Could I lift something heavy? Well, no I can't get onto a step stool and I'm pretty sure I could lift whatever needed to. I asked her if she would like to meet me so she could assess the situation and judge for herself, and that I wouldn't mind. Please give me the opportunity to meet with you, then you can think about it and get back to me and I would be okay with that. She didn't think that was necessary.

She said that this particular store is going to require the use of a step stool because of its height, but she has other stores she deals with that are lower. None of them are available right now but she thinks maybe they would suit me better. She said she'd call me if she had an opening.

I am so looking forward to someday having a little job and feeling a sense of accomplishment. I hope she does call me, but why would she pick me over someone normal? I try to put myself out there. I feel that I'm approachable with good qualities. Why do I feel like such a lump?

Free to be me, now what?

Everyday I keep myself busy doing nothing. A part of me is very content, because it is what I know. Don't get me wrong, I'm not lazy by any means. I go workout, do household stuff, go and do whatever wih my husband, take my mom to lunch (who is getting up there in age),errands, tend to my sister who lost her husband a year ago (that's a feat in itself),I attend the community college painting classes, go places with friends, and so on. Okay... then the other part of me wants to get out in the world and do something productive. Over the years I've been taken care of and watched over, and some of it for good reason. But I was so in grossed in my incapability's and just trying to get by each day, I never learned how to go forward like a young person should. I didn't learn about the real me and who I was. My body was on a downward slope, and the further I sunk, the more I just existed. In probably the last 4-5 years I've slowly come out of my shell. I've been able to find things to better myself, both physically and mentally. It took my own research and willingness to try something new. I also learned not to fully depend on doctors and family all the time.

 I'm about 95% self sufficient nowadays, and just need something to feel satisfied. I know it seems simple, (here comes the but ).....but it's not as easy as you would think. I would like a part time job, own a tiny business or just anything to feel as if I accomplished something worth while. Like helping out with our household income. I've applied for jobs, but usually don't have enough experience. I haven't worked since I was in my teens. This last job interview I went on, the person couldn't get past the whole wheelchair thing. They perceive what they think you can do, therefore you're down the tubes before you start. I'm currently plugging along and pretty persistent on the whole job issue. I've been getting my resumes out almost everyday. Everyone keeps saying that something will come my way, but I'm not so confidant about that. Maybe I should just make wheelchair porn. :o