Educate and stimulate

Hubby met a girl during a recent AIDS walk and for one of those unexplainable reasons he felt comfortable and some sex talk was brought into the conversation. He told this gal that his wife would love her. He made it clear that I'm pretty open about stuff and she decided that if she ran into me ever that she would give me a lap dance.
Well we ran into her into her in our downtown several evenings ago. I never met her and didn't know what she looked like. So this gal sitting outside a restaurant bar on a bench, does kind of a recognition thing to hubby and immediately is in my lap sucking and nibbling on my neck.
It's so random and we laugh and of course hit it off right away. Hubby was right.
We went into the restaurant for drinks and just laughed and talked sexuality. She is a Human Sexuality teacher at a couple of the colleges around. It's was interesting talking with her. I shared a couple stories with her and she did the same. We giggled a lot and it felt so freeing. She told me how pretty I was and I felt a little embarrased and not sure how to take that. Of course it was flattering and weird and awesome at the same time. After sharing with her that I just don't understand why people come onto me. There are so many hotter chicks and gorgeous bods around these parts that they could be all up on, but lately people have honed in on me. Go fuckin figure? I know that might sound conceited and I don't mean it to be. I don't really feel I've done anything different like overly flirting or whatever. I'm not complaining just kind of taken back. Anyways, sharing this with her, she takes my hand and says of course people are attracted to you.......you have (making quotation marks with her fingers) "it". She asked, you know what "it" is right. And I said, I think so.
She said people pick up your openness without really knowing what or why. It's an energy you put off, its the way you carry yourself.
I try my damndest to be confident and take care of myself and find myself being pretty free spirited. But along with all that I just still feel like just a big dork. To grasp any of this is hard. I feel like my outside is a total facade and really I'm not cracked up to be anything with any special energy. LOL

We ended up all touchy feely and hubby even went into the ladies restroom with her to help her wash sticky lube off her boobs. Which is too long of a story.....lol Basically a test package of lube got tossed our way and she ripped it open and drizzling it on her upper chest and she started rubbing it down to her boobs and a guy friend (one I kinda dig) of ours was watching and so I played it up and starting rubbing her boob for a tiny second. I think it stunned some people and maybe even turned some on.

I'm not physically attracted to this gal, but mentally I'm intrigued. I love what she does professionally and personally.. She is so free and kind and real and super fun.

We have met her since for sushi a couple days ago and had great conversation and plan on this next week going to a event with her in Los Feliz. Its so cool to run into people like this. I'm so excited about her being my friend.  I feel so closeted with most of my friends and now we have someone who gets us.
How cool is that. Hubby definitely followed his instinct with that one. Good job!

The Art and the Party

This last week was full of Marriage Equality show openings for us in our art communities art colony and it all went well. Not as well as hoped selling art, but It was successful in bringing people out and them seeing the softer side of what maybe some don't quite get a grip on. The real side, the loving side of humanity and nonjudgmental. It opened some eyes and softened some hearts and raised some money for AIDS walk.

My piece did sell which was fortunate. But only for about half of the retail price because I put it up for silent auction and not that many people were bidding. I was one out of several that sold and that was fortunate. It's going to an awesome cause and I'm good with that.

I think that having an agenda art show such as this and the subject matter used in many different forms is really not a big seller. It's more getting a point across....if that makes sense. Most straight people(or at least not many) aren;t going to put gay art in their bedroom or over their couch. Not that it's wrong, just maybe not their genre.
Then the gay people which it is pointed at, well the work itself needs to speak to them. I know my love for art and not every gallery I go into, even if I appreciate the work isn't going to have me breaking out my wallet to spend several hundred or thousand dollars on a piece. It really has to speak to me.
A straight person bought my piece, but my piece is more a political statement and done in a subtle manner. So it had more opportunity to hit gay or straight. I didn't plan on it doing that, it just happened to be what I wanted to paint.

The openings left us 2 nights in a row with an after party at a local restaurant bar until 2am. I think I'm still recovering. LOL
Saturday night was interesting. There have been these two girls in the past months thatI know kind of ?They are fighting for my attention. I know that sounds funny . They are almost trying to one up each other, sexy dancing around and with me, dedicating karaoke songs to me, one even was biting my shoulders and neck, grabbing my boobs and it's all very surreal. (not complaining) I've never experienced this with anyone before! Hello I'm in a wheelchair and their are plenty of sex goddesses in their high heels and miniskirts around to choose me??! WTF? Of course it feels good and weird and, I'm going with it. LOL

It ended Saturday late night with sitting arrangement at the restaurant as this:
One of the girls Boyfriend ~ ME ~ Girl ~ Hubby    sitting in a row.
Girl started with her hand on my thigh moving it up and I did the same to her. ( I made eye contact with hubby showing him what she was doing, as we both smiled). She turned to me and being silly bit my lower lip. She then had her hand on Hubbies upper thigh and said in white girl wasted fashion "I'm rubbing his dick", I said "good," and I proceeded to put my hand on her boyfriends thigh.She whispers "he's hard" and starts rubbing away through hubbies jeans. At one point she tried to bite my lip again and I said "stop!", if you want to kiss me just do it, and she did. At that moment I kind of lost track of where I was and reality.( ihad 3-4 whiskeys) I'm in my little downtown and these aren't " lifestyle" people and about 30% of the people in this place know us. A girl friend of mine walked up at the crucial time and was a bit shocked, mouth dropped and she shook her finger at me like, no I didn't just see what I saw. (she also was a little tipsy)
It ended up in a drunken mess with the kissy grabby girl and nothing else happened, except just making sure everyone was getting home safely.

It was pretty fun and sexy. I'm kind of at a point anymore where I don't care if people see, but there is still a part of me that does care because most people wouldn't understand where we stand and what we've gone through to get to where we are. They would just dub us as swingers and that is pretty much not the case. The stigma behind that is not what we embrace. Not that its bad for others, but not where we see ourselves.

New Path

I'm on a personal journey that I thought I had pretty much conquered. Finding myself. Not that I thought I had life all wrapped up in a neat package, but did think I was on a forward positive path.
I might have been but the forks in the road have told a different story of my ignorance and trust and fate.

I'm different. I pretty much look the same, maybe a few pounds heavier from the stresses......but inside I'm different. Life has taken me and turned me upside down and shook all I thought I had out of me.

On that same token, I am free. Free as I ever have been. I know what I don't want, I know what I don't want to put up with. I yearn.....I see how fast things go and how things aren't always what you think they are.
My mind has opened to make changes and see things so differently. To depend on anybody but myself whole heartily, is a new one for me. Also to what level or degree to keep others at. To love hard and give doesn't always come back the way you had always hoped. I learned that with many friends and family this last 16 months.

But this is my path.

I will do the best I can and learn to love again but in a different way.