I have a weird or maybe enlightened sense to me lately. Not an overly happy one but some type of new something something.
I have a strong pull to just do something. Something that maybe I've pushed down for one reason or another. Be it not feeling smart enough, or listening to doubters, or wondering what people might think,
maybe just being scared to fail.
But I know myself. I just don't always believe in myself. I'm not sure fully why that is.
I don't always feel smart, especially if it has anything to do with numbers.
I'm not up on politics and don't feel I can just sit and have a some in depth conversation over much of anything.
In depth conversation about anything........?.....................anything? Wow I did just say that.
I don't feel normal. Many people in my life seem to just know about everything. I don't absorb things I guess. I float along with my little brain.
What I do enjoy talking about is sex and sexuality. I also like food and making food. I like to create and love my mind stimulated by seeing something I've never seen before. I love to fantasize.
I'm thinking about starting a small-tiny business. Maybe having to do with food, most likely healthy food and probably cookies. (yes cookies) If you're good with one , you can have the other.
(my wacky thoughts, but I'm serious)
I'm starting in a while by going to a seminar about starting a small business held by the SBA.
I've wanted to do this for a long time and was never supported on the idea and or also my timing during the lull in the economy wasn't the best. Who knows if it would work now , but I'm going to try.
That leads me to another avenue of thought................I feel this strong pull to do something with my life like this a business and the thoughts of a tiny restaurant were first on the table because that's what I thought Ive always wanted.
But , But, But ... If I am at my point of putting stuff on the table of what I want to do. I would love to do something that deals with sexuality. I'm not quite sure what that is? I feel good embracing sexuality in its many forms. Even though I've been around more sensual sexual people than the general public I want more experiences. Not just physically, but mentally. I hold back. We hold back. I want to move forward. I'm done with being afraid someone will find out. Sex is beautiful and so natural and we all suppress it. (well not all, but most).
I want to work in some type of sex field. I don't want to do porn or prostitute. (I don't think I do)?
But I want to work with people with sexuality???? I don't know what that means exactly???
I want to talk about it, experience it, and help people feel comfortable???????
I know, food and sex....really?
Nope, I don't want them to mix.
I think the food thing is more feasible but it will kick my wheelchair ass and I know it.
And I haven't a clue what to do with the sex thing but it is very much a passion and usually if your passionate about something, you do well at it, right?
I'm just being honest here.
Thoughts are so very welcome to this menagerie.