Sunday, July 15, 2012

Acme fuckin whirlwind

I can't take it all in. I feel like a cartoon character who just got bonked on the head with a huge mallet and stars and shit are circling around my head.
 On another less stressy note... The neighbor gal down the street came down after a little texting flirt session the other night. I have spoken briefly about her before. Hubby refers to her as my girlfriend. I've known her for years but just recently rekindled the friendship. She's probably one of the cooler of friends when it comes to talking about stuff like sex and the experiences we've had. Plus like me she loves sex. We ran into a time not long ago when we were drinking and being silly , I honestly think it would've been "on" if I was a little more assertive and didn't second guess if her flirts and touching we're real. I kicked myself the next day.
 We have done lunch and talked about where we stand and that we are both attracted to each other, but understandingly doesnt want to make an awkwardness being neighbors and more importantly doesn't feel right because she has little ones.
 Hubby was trying to set a mood on our porch the other night, which was hilarious. Her with her vodka cranberry drink and me white wine, he proceeded to say we didn't have enough light and lit little tea light candles. Then turned on her favorite kind of music. I just giggled at the fact that he was being my wingman of sorts. We laughed and talked about all things sexual as we do every time we see each other. She had a cute little flirty skirt on and perfume which isn't my favorite, but  I smile knowing she is putting out some kind of effort though it's subtle. It is pretty sexy, along with her lip gloss and fresh face. The night ended with her husband texting her to come home she was pretty drunk as was I and we quick kissed on the lips and small hug and hubby walked her 3 doors down.
 I don't think in all honesty anything will ever happen, but it is fun to toy with the idea. In her before marriage life she was into girls and she identifies herself as straight now. Im not so sure if you can just turn that on and off in your life?? I understand the marriage thing, but I don't think that dictates who you are and who you are attracted to. You can still have bi or lesbian feelings and not act on them if it is not in the cards. You are who you are, right? I feel it is more of a protection thing. I get it, I just wish people could be more true to themselves.
 Another interesting thing to me is that I'm realizing and I guess just more aware of is the fact that I'm not an initiator be it with guys or girls. I can talk and flirt but when it comes to being assertive to further things along I have a bit of a curtain that blocks me. I would guess it is fear of rejection or making the wrong move. Having to also realize most of the world isn't open to seeing sex as openly as I'd hope or fantasize about. And look at me the big talker. The one Who has not gone the distance but is very willing and sheepishly eager for that time.

2 comments:

Baby Boomer said...

I think sexual desires may be difficult to explain at times. When I was 13 I was a victim of a pedophile. It went on for about 3 to 4 years. I never was sure if I was a "homo" (the term in those days). But never discussed this with anyone until many years lately.

I remember when I had sex with a woman for the first time. I was 17 and thought thank goodness, I am not a homo.

But, I still had desires to have a relation with guys (and did).

I finally understood that I am bisexual.

To have a spouse understanding your sexual orientation is a wonderful thing. To be able to discuss sexual orientation with others is great.

If you and neighbor hook up, priceless. If not, it is not the end of the world.

Jim

JFBreak said...

I think women being bi or "flexible" these days is almost an expected thing. And more importantly, husbands everywhere are totally turned on by it!