Monday, June 14, 2010

Not coping well.

One of those days. I feel on edge.
I can't cope. I'm trying, probably not hard enough, though.

I can't deal with her. Is she doing this to herself on purpose? Is she that naive? The answer yes. I don't know why. What will become of us? She's not mean, she's opinionated and needy. It's sad, oh so sad. He's gone and we are left to see the real her. I didn't know the real her all my life. I only knew him and her. I can't do enough, I don't want to do enough. Shes is pain. She doesn't listen. Only what's good for her and on her terms. She thinks she's so organized and she is. She internalizes it and it comes out in her body having problems. First it's her feet, then her groin, then her ankles, then her hands. Rightfully so, she has recently been diagnosed with Rheumatory Arthritis. Oh good gawd.
She puts stress on herself and it gets worse. There's so much more to it, I can't explain. I'm not insensitive, just tired of it all. Death, pain, anal rententive behavior, construction,moving,sadness, just one thing after another in her world. I am trying to cope and be a good sister and I don't know where I stand.

Okay, I can try to move on with my day now.


Bob said...

Gee, is it the phase of the moon, the water, the planets out of alignment, something you ate, something you should have eaten, hormones.....Wifey's going through the same thing and she's driving me fucking nuts! I'm not talking a day or two of this stuff but weeks and months. Getting her to settle down and be herself is like talking someone out of killing themselves who's hell bent to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.

It will be get better. It will.

L0nestar5 said...

Have her try the aloe pills from the people at (I've used them for the periodical tendonitis I get, my crappy back, and it's awesome!)
Only a suggestion. I won't cry if you say no.

Bob said...

Ahhh, I posted this to a blank page . . . before you placed text to the title. Sorry if I was a bit off base. A skipper has the right to rave and act futing nucks now and then, doesn't he?

Britni TheVadgeWig said...

Sending lots of hugs. Some days, I don't cope well, either.

Sulpicia said...


Luv said...

It is difficult. Why do we have these obligations? My sis is also a pain in the butt. But I remember the good time we had when we were little. Now we are older, she is who she is. I can't change that and I'm not wasting my time. I'm sure you are doing your best. Don't let her get you down. Get your hubby to give you a long hug.

momentextase said...

Ya know, I have had many people in my life, both family and friends, that I had a very difficult time coping with and that either were toxic or had become toxic -yes, that can be so difficult, heartbreaking and crazy making.

Then quite by chance, a very wise woman I knew invited me to watch a tape with her: "Why People Don't Heal & How They Can" by Caroline Myss.

That was an epiphany for me, it helpe me actually help a few of the toxic people around me, but by no means all. Its biggest effect was it that it was invaluable in helping me cope and trancend my own feelings and reactions to these toxic people.

LaRoo, I have no idea if that tape would help you, but it really really helped me.

One syncronistic thing, I was astounded when Caroline Myss told a story in that tape about a professor I knew in college. I had heard that same story first hand, decades before I ever saw that tape. Small world.

annalise said...

u can let go, if u want. misery loves company, u don't have to be hers. keep it simple, x-mas cards?

Bigger said...

Famliy can make it hard on you some times. But they are family and we cant change that. But I wish you the best.

La Roo said...

Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions. It means the world to me that you guys care enough to take your time to give me a little of yourselves. That is very sweet.
My life in general is a good life, not much to bitch about. Every now and then I have to release stuff like this. I've learned over the years how important it is to let it out, rather than shove it all down. It's was works for me. Also, to hear your comments and realize I'm not alone helps tremendously. Situations such as this engulf me sometimes and it feels like I don't know which way to go. I love my sister. I feel sorry for her, but I don't want to be draggged through her mud. I have to live my life and find the happy medium of being with her.

Momentextase, the tape your mentioned sounds interesting.
"Why People Don't Heal & How They Can" by Caroline Myss.
Where would one find this?

Thanks Everyone!!!

C said...

hey sistah... everyones advise sounds good and i will just reiterate that it's good, healthy, normal and a MUST to have bounderies with people, whether they are family or not. you can still love her but let your love change form so that you can step back and assure your own insanity. i have that kind of relationship with my sister who lives here. she's nuts sometimes but i still love her.

just. let. go.

momentextase said...

La Roo, you can find "Why People Don't Heal & How They Can" here:

Apparently VHS tape has gone the way of the dodo bird, so it is harder to find. This is also available as a book, and as audio tapes..the audio tapes can be found many places including as a download on itunes. For some reason, there is no DVD of this title. Get the tape if you can, the audio versions are abridged.

If we did not love the problematic people in our lifes, they would not be so problematic, but we care and that is what makes it tough.

However it really helps us gain healthy boundaries if we can gain insights into what moves people into non productive behaviours and what keeps them "stuck"

We may not be able to change them, but we can change ourselves, and act in ways that at a minimum can lead to balance and sanity also keep us out of unwittingly enabling crazy behaviours- and do all of this without losing empathy or compassion.

momentextase said...

Ooops, I was wrong, "Why People Don't Heal & How They Can" IS available as a DVD, but combined with one of her other lectures. Apparently both of these aired on PBS.