Tuesday, September 9, 2008
There are moments in my life that I feel like I'm floating by. I grasp at anything and ignore somethings, feeling it is self preservation. I feel like this is my life and I want to live it, but feel as if I'm some how road blocked by others. Also realizing I do it to myself. They are a part of my life because of default, but not because they fill my soul. In reality I don't know fully what fills my soul, but I pretty much have an idea what doesn't. Times like this, I feel that I want to scream, I want to fuck, I want to eat, I want to leave. But I don't.......I suppress. Then I feel no movement, life is still. I don't know how to use my words, to benefit what is important to me. If I talk about anything out of the norm, it seems to cause conflict, shock, hurt feelings, or the tendency to clam up. Those honestly are not my intentions I seek. I feel sometimes I'm to real.